The Fuck Am I Going to Call This Now?
by EmoAnarchist49
Summary: Naruto comes back a couple years later then he was supposed to, BUT WITH GIRLFRIENDS? How will Hinata act because of this? This is going to be a Naruto/Harem story. Its Naruto/Yugito/Mei/Kushina/Mikoto/Konan/Tayuya/Ayam e Ichiraku/Samui/femItachi/femKurama/Fuu/femMatatabi /Tsunami/Koyuki/Anko/Hana/Tsume/Yugao/Kurenai. Also: Sasuke/Karin/Kin/femHaku, Shikatema, and maybe Kakashi/Rin
1. Shadow Moses

I don't own Naruto for Jashin's sake

If I did the story would have a lot more Naruyugi or Bijuushipping as ive heard somebody call it

"Human speech"

'Human thought"

_Jutsu or activation of a kekkai genkai _(human) or anything else

"**Bijuu or summoning talking"**

'**Bijuu or summoning thought'**

_**Bijuu or summoning using a jutsu**_

**Jinchuuriki activating their bijuu's youki**

_**Jinchuuriki in activated bijuu youki form using a jutsu**_

**Me: where the hell r Naru and Yugi (NY)?**

**NY: zzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZ……sssnnooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrreeeeeeeeee……**

**Me: …………………WTF?!?!?!?!**

**Me: GET THE FUCK UP NOW U 2!!!!!!!**

**NY: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!**

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

_**Chapter 1: The Kitsune, Nekomatas, and the Pervert**_

"Ero-sennin, go fuck yourself!" yelled a pair of a blonde, sun-kissed jinchuuriki. Said perverted sage looks at the two especially the boy. "Would you stop CALLING ME THAT GAKIS??!!" yelled the sage. This man was Jiraiya of the Dotetsu No Sannin and the Gama Sennin. He also happened to be the author of the famed and infamous _Icha Icha_ book series.

This boy wasn't a pushover neither did he look like one. The boy stood 5"10' and was about 15 years old. He had messy blonde hair, cerulean-blue eyes, and three whisker marks on each of his cheeks (courtesy of the Kyuubi). The boy was a genius like has dad, but he had to hide his true skills all the while he was in Konohagakure No Sato. He was kind-hearted, but very mischievous. He was also very cunning. He had a huge repertoire and knew thousands of jutsus. He made a couple thousand himself. He could use Katon (1), Suiton (2), Raiton (3), Fuuton (4), Doton (5), Hyouton (6), Yokuton (7), and Myokuboton (8). Besides, his ninjutsu, he was very adept with taijutsu, he created some of his own styles, genjutsu, made some very destructive and useful ones, fuuinjutsu, kenjutsu, kinjutsu, and senjutsu. He also had a couple kekkai genkais. He also knew Kitsune, Tenshi, and Explosive jutsus thanks to his adopted kaa-san (9) (Kyuubi). The ones he used the most were his Rinnegan and Ryijyougan eyes. He also used his Sharingan, and Byakugan. He had the ability to affect gravity, form magma, ice, and wood, control them, and use them for many different jutsus. One gave him the ability to control paper.

He wore a long, black forehead protector with the symbol for Konoha on it, with a gash through it. He wore a necklace around his neck that he won as a gift from a bet with Tsunade. He wore a black shirt with blue flames coming up from the bottom. He had the same style on his jacket and its' sleeves, except for the flames were an orangish-copper color and his black pants had a reddish-yellow-orange color to the flames. His jacket had many scrolls in it with many things sealed away in them. His pants had two side chains on each side. He had two shuriken pouches on each of his hips, and two weapon pouches on each of his sides. His arms were covered in black ninja tape to help keep his power sealed away so his chakra wouldn't kill or blow anybody away. On each of his hands, he wore gloves that allowed him to summon some weapon from one of his sealing scrolls depending on what fingers he used, where he put them, and how many did he use. He also had a huge scroll on his back. This was a sealing scroll with very important things in it. Examples would be the summoning contracts for the toads, snakes, slugs, tanukis, kitsunes, foxes, hachimatas, nekomatas, ookamis, dogs, lizard, bear, and falcons. He also wore spiked, black ninja sandals. Over all this he wore the Akatsuki ring with the kanji for "Kitsune" on it. He had black fingernail paint on his fingernails and he wore an Akatsuki cloak around his whole getup when he was with anybody but his partner and girlfriend (I'm saying his girlfriend is his partner), or one most of the time people from Konoha or Suna.

This boy's name was Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze. He was the son of Kushina Uzumaki and Minato Kamikaze, the Yondaime Hokage and he was also the jinchuuriki for the Kyuubi No Kitsune No Youko. He had control up to seven of the Kyuubi's tails. The Kyuubi used to hate its host, but know acted like a mother towards him. She taught him jutsus and other things. He had been a gennin, but that was because he was away from Konoha so he couldn't take the exams. But know he was an SS-ranked nuke-nin (10) in the bingo book for Konoha, Iwa, Ame, Kusa, and Oto. He was known as Sinroi Senkou (11), the Kiba No Bijuu (12), and the Tenshi Bijuu No Kami (13). He was very rich thanks to all the missions he's done (you'll see how many he's done in the glossary in the end of the chapter). He also had a flee on flight order. His Allies Kirigakure which contained of Nami, Umi, and Mizu No Kuni and Takigakure, Akatsuki (14), his uncle Nagato and his distan relative Konan, and Kumogakure.

Standing next to him was his girlfriend, Yugito Nii. She was a former jounin from Kumo, but was know an S-ranked nuke-nin. She was the same age as her boyfriend. She had blond hair like her boyfriend and had azure, catlike eyes. She was the jinchuuriki of the Nibi No Nekomata which was the Kyuubi's mate. Her main jutsus were Katon, Raiton, Fuuton, Doton, and Yokuton jutsus. She also was also good with medical jutsus, genjutsus, taijutsu, kinjutsu, and senjutsu. She wasn't all that great with kenjutsu or with Suiton, Houton, and Myokuboton jutsus either. She wore the same headband as her boyfriend, but instead of having a Konoha symbol on it, she had a Kumogakure symbol with a gash through it also. She had a long sleeve shirt on with multi-colored sakura petals on them. Over this shirt, she wore a short sleeve shirt. This shirt has the same design as her long sleeve shirt. She had semi-baggy black pants on with water spiraling from the bottom to mid-thigh and was purple in color. She had a shuriken pouch on her right thigh and two weapon pouches on her belt line. On her right side hung a wakizashi and on her left a katana. She had a scroll on her back also with a couple things sealed in it.

Anyways, these three happened to be on a trip around the shinobi nations, when they met up, so becoming a sensei to them Jiraiya trained them more than they could have at their own villages. Everybody seemed to enjoy the down time they had also, although it ended up with Jiraiya doing his _"research"_, which resulted in getting clobbered by the two jinchuuriki that were with him. One day while traveling in Hi No Kuni (15), they encountered upon a group of Naruto's old friends. Naruto's old friends saw them and were shocked to see him and Jiraiya, and some girl they didn't know. 'N-n-naruto-kun, I'm so glad to see you again. Now I can finally tell you how I feel!!' (guess who this is) 'What the hell happened to you aniki?' thought everybody's fav avenger although he calmed down and he and Sakura were in a steady relationship. 'Awww, man this is so fucking troublesome!' (if u don't know who this person is, I'm gonna kill u!!!) 'Finally you're back nii-san you baka, just in time to…' thought Sakura, Ino, and Tenten (though Tenten didn't call Naruto a baka and Ino didn't call Naruto nii-san) '………' thought Shino. 'Hey there's Naruto, yeah, our friend has returned thought Chouji. "Hey, you, get your ass over here know! You're trespassing in Hi No Kuni!!" yelled Kiba while Akamaru looked like if he was human he would've beaten the shit out of his master. Hearing somebody call for him he turned around to see a group of people that contained the last group of people he ever wanted to see. Narrowing his eyes, Naruto looked at them in contempt and let loose a huge torrent of killing intent. The KI (ill laugh if u can figure out what KI means) that was being produced made the Kyuubi proud yet she and the Nibi were both scared at the same time. "W-w-what the hell was that?" yelled Kiba as Naruto stopped his KI.

"Hello, assholes and otouto!!" said Naruto. 'What in the fucking shit was that?' screamed Sasuke in his mind. Then he started a long string of cussing in his mind that would've made Tayuya proud. "So, Naruto-san, what are you doing here?" asked Shino "Huh? Oh, I'm just traveling around with my girlfriend and Ero-sennin." said Naruto. "Hey!! I resent that!!" yelled a pissed-off Jiraiya. 'How does Naruto have a girlfriend?' everybody thought. 'You fucking bitch, you stole my, and only my Naruto-kun!!! You're going to pay!!" thought a pissed off female Hyuuga. "Yeah, yeah, just shut the fuck up already please." countered Naruto. Out of nowhere, 20 ROOT ANBU pop out. "Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze, you're under arrest and are to be executed as you're a threat to the village," said an ANBU with a pigeon mask. "I'd like to see you try", countered Naruto. Just then all of the ANBU got torn up by something invisible. Everybody looked to see who did it except for the three travelers. "W-w-what was t-t-that?" asked a freaked out Hinata. "Oh that, that was Yugi-hime killing those ROOT ANBU", answered Naruto. "Who's 'Yugi-hime'?" asked Sasuke. Naruto smirked "that would be my girlfriend". "NANI?!" yelled all the Konoha shinobi (I'm going 2 call them the KS from now on ok?). "What, we're holding back a lot as it is, so I'm surprised she moved that fast," said Naruto. "Man, what'd you do Naruto? Take Gai's up a notch?" asked Sakura. Actually, "About 20 notches since we last checked", the girl answered. "NANI?!" yelled the KS. They all promptly fainted while twitching form just thinking if having to do something harder than what Guy was doing. "………."

"Okaaaayy….." said the three travelers. Jiraiya was fuming because he didn't get any attention from the ladies or anybody wanting autographs.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Well, here's the 1st 

Tell me what you feel about the story

Also I have another one in the making here's a preview:

_Naruto stepped out onto the stage. He loved doing concerts with his band and they all played from their hearts, but Naruto always-felt immeasurable amounts of pain as he preformed._

Tell me if you have an idea for what that story should be called.

Here's a list of songs that will be in that fic:

_**All Star, Why Can't We Be Friends, and Walking on The Sun – Smashmouth**_

_**All of Linkin Park, Green Day, and Disturbed's albums and their songs**_

_**Three Days Grace's album One-X and its songs**_

_**Rockstar-Nickleback**_

_**Mountain Song-Jain's Addiction**_

_**Welcome To The Jungle, Sweet Child O' Mine, and Paradise City-Guns 'N' Roses**_

_**Chop Suey!, Prison Song, Needles, and Psycho-System Of A Down**_

_**I Write Sins Not Tragedies-Panic! After The Disco**_

_**I Wanna Be Sedated and Cretin Family-The Ramones**_

_**Hammerhead, You're Gonna Go Far Kid, Hit That, Why Don't You Get A Job?, Pretty Fly For A White Guy, Gone Away, Can't Repeat, Burn It Up, Self Esteem, Come Out And Play(Gotta Keep Em' Seperated), The Kids Aren't Alright, Defy You, and Original Prankster-The Offspring**_

_**Living On A Prayer-Bon Jovi**_

_**Rooftops(A Liberation Broadcast)-Lostprophets**_

_**Last Resort, Getting Away With Murder, and Lifeline-Papa Roach**_

_**Downfall Of Us All-A Day To Remember**_

_**Prayer Of The Refugee and Re-Education(Through Labor)-Rise Against**_

_**All of Sum 41's albums and songs**_

_**When Worlds Collide, Bombshell, Nobody's Real, Organizized, Supernova Goes Pop, Wild World, Relax (cover version) ,and the album Transform and its songs-Powerman 5000**_

_**Girl All The Bad Guys Want, High School Never Ends, circa 1985, When We Die, and Punk Rock 101-Bowling For Soup**_

_**I Don't Care, America's Suitehearts, Dance,Dance, Sugar,We're Goin' Down, A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A little More "Touch Me", the Album Infinity On High and all of the songs on it-Fall Out Boy**_

_**Back In Black, Rock N Roll Train, High Voltage, TNT, Live Wire, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, It's A Long Way To The Top(If You Wanna Rock n Roll), Hells Bells, and Rock N Roll Ain'y Noise Pollution-AC/DC**_


	2. Diamonds Aren't Forever

I don't own Naruto for Jashin's sake

If I did the story would have a lot more Naruyugi or Bijuushipping as I've heard somebody call it

"Human speech"

'Human thought"

_Jutsu or activation of a kekkai genkai _(human) or anything else

"**Bijuu or summoning talking"**

'**Bijuu or summoning thought'**

_**Bijuu or summoning using a jutsu**_

**Jinchuuriki activating their bijuu's youki**

_**Jinchuuriki in activated bijuu youki form using a jutsu**_

**Me:……….**

**NY: what are we doing?**

**ME: SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE (shaking like a psychotic person)**

**NY:…………sweatdrop…….okaaaaaaaaaaaay……..**

**Me: sorry abo-WTF IS THAT?! (points at you)**

**NY: we don't rly even want to know…. (shivers)**

**Me: I agree (shivers)**

**NY: okay…... well here's our continuing tale….******

**_____________________________________________________________**

LAST TIME:

"_Okaaaayy….." said the three travelers. Jiraiya was silently fuming because he didn't get any attention from the ladies or anybody wanting autographs._

NOW, ON WITH THE STORY!!

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

_**Chapter 2: Reunion of the 12**_

"…………" was what went through the three's heads. " Well, that didn't go as expected…" said Naruto. "Tell me about it" said Jiraiya. "We should get them back" said Yugito. "Nah, they'll make it back on their own, heheheh" chuckled Naruto. With that the three disappeared.

"Uggghhh…….. fuck this is troublesome" groaned Shika. All over he could hear groans of pain and discomfort.

'Uh-oh, shishou's not going to like the news we have' thought Sakura while shivering.

"Hey Guys, I Think we need to go back and check in with Tsunade" said Sasuke.

"You can if you want to die" retorted Ino and Sakura.

"Ino-hime, Sakura-chan, calm down" said Chouji trying to get the girls to calm down. "SHUT UP!!" they yelled. 'Well, so much for that' thought Sasuke, Shika, and Chouji.

"Uh guys, you might want to check this out…" said Neji. "Hm?" they asked. Everybody walked over to where Neji, Lee, and Tenten were standing. "HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!" screamed everybody. "They weren't kidding when they said they were strong…" said Kiba.

"Told ya." said a voice from behind them. They turned around to see Naruto smiling innocently yet sadistically with his eyes closed.

"NANI?!" they yelled

"Oww, that hurt, good thing kaa-san has given me great healing…" responded Naruto.

"Who" they asked.

"Oh, nobody" said Naruto.

"Naruto, you need to come with us" said Shino, finally speaking.

"Sorry, can't keep Yugi-hime and Ero-Sennin waiting" smiled Naruto

"Fine then, we'll take you back by force if we have to" said Neji. The rest of the group nodded, agreeing with him.

"Maa, maa, I was going there anyways. Oh well…see ya, wouldn't want to be ya" said Naruto as he disappeared from sight.

"THAT JERK!!!!" yelled Ino and Kiba in unison.

"Ow!" stop hurting our eardrums with your yelling said Sasuke

"Ugghhh….Troublesome" (u better know who this is or else…)

"agreed" said Sasuke

Chappy 2, DONE!! 

A/N sorry if its short and been a long time since I updated, but ive been busy

Also, plz review it because im not the greatest writer so any good criticsm, ideas or suggestions are welcomed

Kere's the poll 4 the pairings:

**Shika:**

Hinata

Tenten

Sakura

Temari

OC

**Sasuke:**

Hinata

Tenten

Sakura

Temari

OC

**Neji:**

Hinata

Tenten

Sakura

Temari

OC

**Kiba:**

Hinata

Tenten

Sakura

Temari

OC

**Shino:**

Hinata

Tenten

Sakura

Temari

OC

**Kakashi:**

Yugao

Anko

Kurenai

Shizune

**Asuma:**

Yugao

Anko

Kurenai

Shizune

**Gaara:**

Natsume

OC

**Should Kushina be alive in this one? If so, should she be a bitch or a good mother?**

Yes

No

Good

Bitch

**Should I also put in some JiraiyaxTsunade?**

Yes

No

Who should die later?

Danzou

Kushina

Jiraiya

Tsunade

Shizune

Kakashi

Asuma

Yugao

Kurenai

Gaara

Anko

Orochimaru (the ero-hebi-teme will die though)

Gai

Itachi

Kisame

Nagato

Konan

Hidan

Kakuzu

Zetsu

Sasori

Deidara

Tobi/Madara


	3. The Sadness Will Never End

Hahahaha! I'm sorry for the few of you who favorited this story and waited for it to get a possible update. I'm sorry I never have. Reason? I suck at writing. Period. I find it funny that I'm a great critic and good reviewer and whatnot but I just looked back on this story and laughed at how bad and short this was! Anyway, I might clean this story or just plain restart it. So…yeah, thanks for all of you for favoriting it while I did a horrible job at writing it. Expect more possibly in the future.


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